


Dead Men Do Tell Tales (But Only Half Of Them Are True)

by b0nes_r_us



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:40:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23942479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b0nes_r_us/pseuds/b0nes_r_us
Summary: Just a short dead men drabble set during LSODM
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Dead Men Do Tell Tales (But Only Half Of Them Are True)

Valkyrie stretched her legs out, feeling her skin soak in the warmth of the campfire as they began to prepare dinner. Her shoulders ached from carrying her pack all day, and she was pretty sure her feet were at least 90% blisters now.  
“Anyway,” Saracen was saying, “we were in Italy and we’d heard rumours of this woman who could apparently use elemental magic to raise the dead.“  
“Mexico.”  
“Pardon?”  
“We were in Mexico.”  
“Whatever. We were in Mexico and then-“

“Wait a minute.” Valkyrie interrupted. “How could she use elemental magic to raise the dead?”  
“Well,” said Saracen, “if you’d let me finish the story-“.  
“She couldn’t.” Anton told her. “The people in that town were lying. She wasn’t even a sorcerer, she was just rather unpopular.”  
“You always know how to ruin a good story, don’t you?”  
“Because you embellish them so much that most of the time, they’re only half true.”  
“That’s the whole point.”  
“It’s not even that good of a story, anyway.” 

“I think it’s a pretty good one.” said Erskine.  
“Thank you.” Saracen replied, looking smug.  
“Although not as good as Nepal.“  
“Oh, for God’s sake. I never get to finish a bloody story.”  
Next to Valkyrie, Skulduggery tensed. “I don’t like this one. It doesn’t make me look quite as heroic as I’d like.”  
“I know.” Erskine grinned. “That’s why I’m telling Valkyrie.”  
“I do not endorse this.”  
“I do.” Valkyrie said, grinning back. “Keep going.” 

“In Nepal, we were meant to be tracking down the Diablerie when Skulduggery decided to go missing for a few days.”

“We were beginning to suspect that he’d fallen down one of the mountains and died for good.” said Ghastly. 

“Or that he had become a yeti’s chew toy.” Dexter contributed. 

“We found him a few days later,” Erskine continued, “when he somehow managed to get himself kidnapped by a group of sorcerers who were also after the Diablerie.”

“I went for a walk at night and had to hide out in the nearest building because I’d gotten caught in a blizzard. They thought I was a member of the Diablerie coming to spy on them.”

“So,” said Ghastly, “we found him tied to the ceiling rafters being interrogated. It turned out that the sorcerers were friends of Hopeless’, and we all had a good laugh about it.”  
“I didn’t.” Skulduggery grumbled. “You left me dangling from the ceiling for almost half an hour.”  
“Should’ve left you there. It sure would’ve saved us some complaining on the way back.”  
“Shut up, Bespoke.”  
Valkyrie smiled. Sure, being a Dead Man was hard work. It involved a lot of fighting, planning, and worst of all, walking, but then there were the treasured quiet moments where they swapped tall tales and good-natured insults, and it almost made the walking worth it. 

“Have I told you about the time Valkyrie actually did almost get eaten by a yeti?”  
Valkyrie was thankful for the firelight as her face turned beet red. “Please God no.”  
“Ah come on, that was funny.”  
“No it wasn’t, it was gross and slimy.”  
“Funny for me, I meant.”  
“You complete asshole.”  
“You can call me anything you like, but I’m doing it anyway. Think of it as giving me the generous gift of a restored pride.”  
“First of all, it’s nowhere near Christmas, and second of all, you need an ego boost like a fish needs a bike.” 

Ghastly chuckled. “You make a good point there, but I still want to hear it.”  
“I can’t believe this.”  
Anton handed her a mug of stew, and gave her a look that told her she had no hope of her pride remaining unscathed.  
“It started with us jumping out of a plane and Valkyrie getting stuck in a cave.”  
Valkyrie shook her head and resigned herself to the fact that the only person there who wouldn’t embarrass her was her stew. She didn’t really mind, though.  


After all, if dead men told no tales, what use were they?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y’all enjoyed, kudos/reviews would be much appreciated!


End file.
